13 Things to Do If You Suddenly Get Turned into Stone


Although it's unlikely this will ever happen to you, it's good to be prepared.


  1. Be really, really irritated with whoever turned you into stone and come up with revenge plots that you will never be able to follow through on.
  2. Try really, really, really hard to move. That way you can say at least you tried.
  3. Come up with stupid stone puns; that's the only way to rock.
  4. Count. Just keep counting. Forever.
  5. If you get bored of positive numbers, you can start a second count in the negatives.
  6. See how long you can go without thinking about penguins, and then keep trying to break your record. It might be hard to keep track of time though.
  7. Try to figure out what kind of stone you are. Igneous? Metamorphic?
  8. Sing some song lyrics and then get really frustrated at that one line you can't remember that will be on the tip of your tongue for the next 100 years.
  9. Give yourself an annoying superhero name that fits your situation.
  10. Make up a theme song for your newly created nickname.
  11. Long for the day that the Earth becomes hot enough for you to turn into lava.
  12. Or the day that you break down enough to become part of a pleasant, sandy beach.
  13. Find happiness in the fact that you no longer have to do anything, ever.


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