17 Ways to Be a Stupid Dumb Idiot


Why are you reading this list? You really are an idiot.


  1. Refuse to get off an airplane.
  2. Put braille on all the highway signs to help blind drivers.
  3. If you can't identify a song, use it without permission in a movie. The creators will sue you, and you'll know the song's name in court.
  4. When drinking and driving, leave your seatbelt unbuckled; it can be used as a bottle opener.
  5. Send starving children cigarettes to help them suppress their appetite.
  6. Spray your eyes with sunscreen so you can look at the sun as long as you want to.
  7. Eat a rock, but only if it's a smooth one.
  8. Rename North America 'India' because Indians lived here.
  9. Show up naked to the TSA line so you don't have to take off any clothes, speeding up the security check-in.
  10. Pull out your teeth so you can fit more Doritos in your mouth.
  11. If you have a hole in your shirt, just get the same shirt and wear it under the one with the hole. That way the hole will be hard to see.
  12. Make a Where's Waldo audio book.
  13. Reenact 9/11 to prove/disprove conspiracy theories.
  14. Get a skin colored tattoo so you can see how your tan is coming along by comparison.
  15. Print out your Facebook feed to reduce the amount of time you spend staring at screens.
  16. Add extra energy to your morning by replacing the sugar in your coffee with cocaine.
  17. Sell "Double Sided Tape", but instead of both sides being the sticky side, they're both the non-sticky side.


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