Random Pun Generator

Jokes so unfunny that they're actually kinda funny.

A Jamaican who illegally downloads music is a pirate of the Caribbean.

We've got dumb dad jokes about animals, food, and even dentists. They might get a few laughs but more than likely a lot of groans.

All 212 ideas, by category

Food & Drink

My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
I heard a joke about chocolate bars...... it made me snicker.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
The crowd at the Cannibal's party grew silent when he announced he would be serving finger foods.
I know this is cheesy, but I feel grate.
Did you know that donuts were first made in Greece?
The raisin wined about how he couldn't achieve grapeness.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.
Cheese graters make cheese greater!
Ughhh this vegetable theme party stinks. Can someone turnip the music??
I have a pizza joke! Oh nevermind it's too cheesy!
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A long knife has been invented that cuts four loaves of bread at a time called a four loaf cleaver.
The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.
The coffee tasted like mud because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
Mr. Mushroom couldn't understand why he wasn't looked on as a real fun guy.
When the plums dry on your tree, it's time to prune.
I can't find my rutabaga. I hope it will turnip.
Some people don't like food going to waist.
I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
Wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind it's too cheesy.
You need to ketchup on your condiment skills.
Hear the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu; you get what you deserve.

Body, Love & Bathroom Humor

If you came here for pee jokes... URINE LUCK!
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
My girlfriend found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof.
What happened to the rich guy with the double chin? He made a four chin.
I couldn't stand to be without my legs.
To many girls the word 'marriage' has a nice ring to it.
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
People who say they suffer from constipation are full of crap.
Thank god for nipples. Without them, boobs would be pointless.
Menstruation jokes aren't funny. Period.
There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.
Contacts are easy to lose, so keep your eyes on them.
Why do feet smell but a nose runs.
My ex wife still misses me. But her aim is getting better!!
Slut jokes are whorable.
It would be really weird if you crapped out dice like in the casino game craps.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Words, Books & Numbers

Why can't the Ender Dragon read a book? Because he always starts at the End.
Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
A book never written: how to use a lawnmower by Mow DeGrass.
A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
What did the triangle say to the circle? You're so pointless.
I used to hate maths but then I realised decimals have a point.
I wondered why my geometry class was always tired. They were all out of shape.
I've failed the mathematics test so many times I lost count.
I didn't understand the math, so the teacher summed it up for me.
I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It didn't have much of a plot.
I had plans to begin reading a book about sinkholes but they fell through.
Let's talk about rights and lefts. You're right so I left.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
A kilometer per second must be depressed because it really wants to km/s.
If a piano player is called a pianist, then is a racecar driver called a racist?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Puns make me numb, but math puns make me number.
A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame.
How do poets say hello? "Hey, haven't we metaphor?"

Everyday Objects & Vehicles

If you put a bunch of watches on a belt is it a waist of time.
I'm inspired by arrows pointing down, they never give up.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
Sign on a broken perfume bottle, Out of odor.
I bought me some of those new paper shirts. I don't like them - they're tearable.
Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
Women who wear $200.00 perfume obviously are known to have no common scents.
Did you hear about the fight at a local Laundromat? A washing machine beat the crap out of a diaper.
The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.
I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.
As the shoe said to the hat, 'You go on ahead, and I'll follow on foot'.
Without something sharp, this conversation would be pointless.
Why were the socks in a fruit bowl? They were told they were a pair.
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
Bikes don't stand upright on their own because they're two-tired.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Work, School & Jobs

What happened when the shoe salesman lost a bet? He got a taste of de-feet
It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.
During his air test a young pilot flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors.
My son's spelling test consisted of synonyms of the word incorrect. He was able to write every wrong.
My student was late for class, claiming he was in the washroom. I think he was stalling.
My job at the concrete plant seems to get harder and harder.
After manually rotating the heavy machinery, the worker grew very cranky.
How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
'I am presently employed', said the gift wrapper.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but it doesn't matter none of them work.
The man who worked at the watch factory was very funny. He stood about all day making faces.
I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.
Cross-eyed teachers can't control their pupils.
Why did the can-crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing.
If you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler.
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Why was it so important to let the hydraulic press go first? Because it was a pressing matter!
I have many jokes about unemployed people. Too bad they don't work.

Places, Travel & Nationalities

A Jamaican who illegally downloads music is a pirate of the Caribbean.
I was about to make a Mexican joke, but that would cross the border.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Show me someone in denial and I'll show you a person in Egypt up to their ankles.
Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
It's a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
While in Mexico, the chinese diplomat got a ticket for going the Wong way on the Juan Way street.
I used to like Russian dolls until I realised they were full of themselves!
Things made in Australia are high koala-ty.
One of the first things you'll notice at the Beijing airport is a whole lot of Chinese checkers.
What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag's a big plus.
I used to like Russian dolls until I realized they were full of themselves!
The Eiffel tower more like the I fell tower heheheee.

Science, Nature & Space

Bacteria multiply by dividing.
Did you hear about the boy who heard about types of igneous rocks? He took them for granite.
When chemists die, we barium.
When the wheel was invented, it caused a revolution.
Gardeners always know the ground rules.
A photographer was great at botany because he knew photo synthesis.
An astronaut broke the law of gravity and got a suspended sentence.
After winter, the trees are relieved.
When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one.
How did Mister Nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall.
Never trust atoms, they make up everything.
You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!
I always believed my body was a prison for me. I was right, in biology I learnt they were made of cells.
I used to do rock climbing as a youth, but I was much boulder back then.
I sat up one night pondering what makes the sun come up. Suddenly it dawned on me.

Animals

A group of squid should be called a squad.
When a new hive is done bees have a house swarming party.
Where is a favorite place that cows like to go to? The moo - vies
A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?"
Panda enters a bar. He eats shoots and leaves.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully they will be able to recoup.
The cat took up computer lessons in hopes of mastering its grip on a mouse.
How do you stop a charging bull? Take away his credit card.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
A circus lion won't eat clowns because they taste funny.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What did the fish say when he hit a wall? DAM!!!
Have you heard of the frog population declining? One croaks every night.

Technology & Electronics

I gave away my dead batteries. Free of charge.
Why was the Energizer bunny arrested? He was charged with battery
The debate about unmanned aircraft strikes just keeps droning on.
He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz.
I got a deal on a new computer, and they threw in the operating system to boot.
I got angry when my cell phone battery died. My counselor suggested I find an outlet.
The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.
Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor.
I shouldn't have plugged my iPhone into the PC at the kitchen. It's now in the sync.
The man put his name on the neck of his shirt so he would have collar ID.
I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.
An electrician claimed that his truck was a volts wagon.
I take a picture of a spider, call it web cam.
I found a island that has so many remotes that its a remote island.

Crime, Cops & Prison

Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
Stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'.
Two robbers with clubs went golfing, but they didn't play the fairway.
Midget mobsters get paid under the table.
When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken.
Obituaries of those hanged in the old west used to be posted in the noose paper.
They won't know who robbed the Scotch factory until they check the tape.
A man stole a case of soap from the corner store. The police said he made a clean getaway.
When the gunman walked in, he turned the store into a flee market.
I never liked befriending assassins. They're all backstabbers.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

Religion & the Supernatural

Don't drink with ghosts, they can't handle their boos.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Need an ark? I Noah guy.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Why are there gates around a cemetery? Because everyone's dying to get in!

Other

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A man walks into a bar...OUCH
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
I have a photographic memory that was never developed.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye Maytey!
How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.
We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn't even afford to pay attention.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was intense.
The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
The movie about the mobile home was advertised with a trailer.
When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
A friend told me he dug a hole in my backyard and filled it with water. I thought he meant well.
If I bought a balloon for 99 Cents, how much would I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
Two gnomes walk under a bar.
Guns only work after they're fired.