22 Things to Say on a Prank Call

22 Things to Say on a Prank Call
Who to call is the easy part. Knowing what to say is where most prank calls fall apart.
  1. Say: "Hi, this is the pizza place, calling to confirm your order of 40 pizzas. Cash or card?" When they deny it, ask which member of the household would have placed it and refuse to cancel without their name.
  2. Say: "Congratulations, you've been selected for a free trial of... hang on, what does this say... a free trial of gravity." Then keep reading the fine print out loud.
  3. Say: "Hey, it's me." Pause. "You know. Me." Never say who. Get quietly hurt that they don't remember.
  4. Say: "This is the library. The book you checked out is now 14 years overdue. The fine is $2,041." Offer a payment plan.
  5. Say: "I'm calling from the electric company. We need you to turn everything off for one minute so we can check something on our end." Then wait in silence.
  6. Say: "Is your refrigerator running? Great. Ours isn't. Can we come over?"
  7. Say: "Hi, I'm returning your call." When they say they never called, insist you have a missed call from them and read their own number back to them.
  8. Say: "This is a quick survey. Question one: what's your name?" Whatever they say: "Question two: are you sure?"
  9. Say: "Oh, sorry, wrong number." Then, before they hang up: "Wait, while I have you, do you know how to get a raccoon out of a dryer?"
  10. Say: "Good news, we found your wallet." When they say it's in their pocket: "Then whose is this?"
  11. Say: "Hello, this is your future self. Don't eat the leftovers." Hang up.
  12. Say: "I'm calling about your car's extended warranty." Pause. "On your bicycle."
  13. Sing Happy Birthday to them, the whole thing. When they say it's not their birthday, ask when it is and promise to call back then.
  14. Say: "This is a wake-up call. No, you didn't request one. We just thought you should be awake."
  15. Say: "We're doing a study. Can you describe a duck without using the word duck?" No matter what they say, reply: "That's a goose."
  16. Answer their questions as if you're the phone: "Thanks for calling Tim's house. Tim can't come to the phone right now. This is the phone."
  17. Whisper the entire call. When they ask why you're whispering, whisper: "I can't tell you that."
  18. Say: "Hi, this is tech support. We noticed your computer is on." That's the whole problem. Stay on the line until they turn it off.
  19. Say: "This is the weather service. There is going to be weather tomorrow. Plan accordingly."
  20. Call a friend and narrate what they're doing as if you can see them. Guess. "You're sitting down. You're looking around the room. You're confused."
  21. Ask for someone with a ridiculous name, like Bartholomew Crumpetsworth. Ten minutes later, call back and say: "Hi, this is Bartholomew. Any messages?"
  22. Say nothing but "uh huh" and "yep" no matter what they say. Time how long they keep going.

See Also: 18 Prank Call Ideas

How to Cure Boredom

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Phone numbers not provided. You can look those up on your own if you want to deal with the consequences.

What to Do When Bored

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Things to Do in Public
Just so you know, the public will hate you if you do any of these.
Thoughts
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Random questions to ask people, from philosophical to just plain stupid.
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Random puns so unfunny that they're actually kinda funny.
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Random challenges and dares to do with friends. Please don't actually do all of these.
Writing Ideas & Prompts
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To Do Lists

18 Prank Call Ideas
Those poor, poor minimum wage employees.
22 Stupid Challenges
Sure, you're bored, but how do you prove that you're really, really bored?
23 Funny YouTube Video Ideas
Wow your friends with these unheard of innovations in online video media.
25 Hilarious McDonald's Pranks
A lot of these also work for Burger King or Wendy's, if you have one of those instead of a McDonald's.
16 Really Weird Things to Do
These will most likely not help you gain any friendships.
25 Shortest Jokes Ever
Caution: Pretty much all of these are puns.
17 Things to Do at School
Other than look at this website, obviously...
22 Most Boring Things to Do
Some of us are just too excited sometimes.
29 Fun Things to Do with Friends
Crazy ideas that are great for best friends who are really bored. Also they're free!
17 Things to Text
Helpful suggestions on how to successfully get someone to block your number.
32 Funny Short Story Ideas
Amusing writing prompts for those with writer's block.
35 Things to Do When You're Really Bored
Are you dying of boredom? Some or all of these suggestions might help!
16 Prank Call Responses for Telemarketers
Why settle for a simple no thank you?
23 Things To Do Outside
There's a whole vast world out there, so you could at least check out your front yard.
16 Funny Movie Theater Prank Ideas
But seriously people, please turn off your cell phone first.
56 Ideas for Cool Things to Draw
Prepare your 96 pack of crayons.
48 Easy Things to Paint
Simple acrylic and watercolor subjects, from food and animals to surreal landscapes.
18 Immature Walmart Pranks
Cheap prices and cheap entertainment.
26 Easiest Challenges Ever
Time to boost that self esteem!
29 Cool Snow Day Ideas
If it's not snowing by you, you can always head north.
16 Fun Things to Do at Home
Oh hey that's where you are right now!
20 Things You Should NOT Do
Sent in by all of you lovely website visitors.
22 More Prank Call Ideas
Phone numbers not provided. You can look those up on your own if you want to deal with the consequences.